2017 can only be described as a roller coaster. I think for many people, if not the whole country, 2017 gave us a lot to deal with. 2017 wasn't all bad though. I can look back and say that a whole lot happened and I also look back and see that as a person, I have grown and changed, much more than I initially expected. I stuck with my resolution (I'll tell you more below.) and I saw it help me through much of the despair.
I didn't start my year with much hope. I am one of those people that is easily affected by the emotions of those around her and with all the turmoil in our world, it was like a year of empathy Olympics. Nothing affected me as much as the politics that played with my future in this country. We took a huge leap this year by risking our futures in the U.S. and applying for Residency. The News literally made it hell every other day with their constant warnings that today would be the day they kick us all out. It is hard being in a marginalized group and seeing what people think about you on their Facebook feed. So the year ended with DACA being repealed, my applications denied, and no DREAM ACT. But in place of all that uncertainty I was filled with a sense of hope. I know I can survive anywhere.
I didn't manage the year without help. Sometimes it is best to admit that we need help. It is OKAY to search for it. I took on several means of support like therapy and peer conversations, as well as joining a ton of Facebook groups. There is a strength that comes from seeing other people struggling with the same problems and still living! A lot of people feel ashamed to share that they go to counseling. I can see why. Shame can often stop us from doing things that can be helpful. I feel, though, that I can't say that I am trying unless I am trying everything that can help and I KNOW that I am so no one can shame me. :)
My 2017 Resolution was not about keeping a diet or cutting out sugar or anything like that. Lets be real...we know if we will be able to keep those resolutions (because we made clear concise goals and plans to do so.) or if they are just set there to make us feel good and in trend with the whole world. I knew that there was much more that I needed to work on before I could commit to fixing other parts of my life. Knowing that I felt Scared to start the New Year, I decided to work on those feelings first. I made a resolution to stop and analyze my use of the words FEAR & SCARED. I asked myself whether I was really scared or if I was feeling something else. I analyzed my thinking when those situations came up. I worked on the real roots of what was keeping me a scaredy-cat. I actually really liked this approach because it allowed me to know when to push if fear hits. FEAR masks what sometimes is just procrastination, hesitation, pain, or disbelief. Those are a lot easier to work on individually.
Working on my fear really helped with losing my grandmother, not being able to go see her before her passing, and not being able to be there for my mom.
2017 was hard.
There were a lot of decisions I had to make and a lot of work that went into them. I saw a correlation with the amount of outside stress and the amount of inner work I had to do. I had to have a lot patience. I also had to take a lot of action.
This year I changed up my whole business process. I started taking certification courses. I put in place all the information that I had been soaking up for the last few years. Ever feel like things just click in your mind? I finally understood a whole lot of concepts and processes that I had previously struggled with. All the learning I had done now needed to be applied and I had to adapt to changes and plan my work ahead. But now, I wasn't scared, and I wasn't lost and confused.
I feel PROUD of myself.
I had many excuses this year to say F*%$ it. I had every chance to climb right back into bed and just give up trying each day. I mean, don't get me wrong, panic attacks still got in the way, but I worked through them. I wasn't going to let the enemy take a hold of me.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love" 2 Timothy 1:7
I really felt that GOD led me this year. I am not strong on my own and I know that I couldn't have done anything without Him. I worked on sticking by Him and engaging with Him on a daily basis. Some days were harder than others and some days I looked back and realized I hadn't even tried, but on most days, He was my anchor. He was there when I needed Him.
"I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me." Philippians 4:13
I can choose to look back at 2017 and say it was a horrible year. (by the way, I also crashed my car this year! goodness!!) I can choose to look back at 2017 and say it was a wonderful year. (two of my best friends had their second baby!) I can also look back and say that 2017 was just another year in my life and it just was what it was, each day amounted to another lesson learned that got me to here today. So I hope that whether you had a good year or a bad year you can look back and learn from it and use that information to make this next year better!
"It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen." - John Wooden
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